An article in the New Scientist magazine has spawned a new top-secret MOD project designed to produce a new breed of soldiers. Project Black Knight has been given the formal go-ahead after research into producing farm animals with lowered pain sensitivity yielded positive results.

A source close to the project confirmed the results so far. “With a simple medical procedure to remove an area of the brain called the anterior cingulate cortex (or ACC) soldiers do not feel pain as we know it. We can therefore send them out into theatre for longer before having to rotate troops.”

The MOD hopes that the project will improve the attrition rate in Afghanistan due to roadside Improvised Explosive Devices (IEDs). Another option would be actually providing troops with proper armour-plated vehicles instead of essentially civilian specification Land Rovers, but this has been ruled out on a cost basis. The surgery can be accomplished with a cordless drill and some field bandages in less than ten minutes per soldier, whereas supplying proper kit can take 20 years of indecision and end up costing several times the original agreed costs.

Prime Minister Gordon Brown was unavailable for comment, in much the same way as he normally is when asked anything remotely controversial on any subject you might care to mention. But a spokesman confirmed that the new drugs he is taking have chilled him out nicely and fortunately he can’t read the papers these days anyway.

---