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Ryanair boss Michael O'Leary today announced a new service for customers of the budget priced airline.
"Remember when your old mammy would drag you round the shops when you were a kid and when you needed the toilet she'd talk about "spending a penny"? It was because you spent tuppence to get into the cubicle. Well at Ryanair we look back with fondness on those days and we feel the time is right to bring back old traditions." "From next month customers will have the option of spending a penny (actually £2 or 3 Euros) on an in-flight comfort break or alternatively they can make their own arrangements either before or after their journey. It's only fair that customers who use certain facilities pay for them and it helps to keep the basic flight price down for the other travellers". The new 'Pay-Per-Poo' service will allow passengers a five-minute interval in which to deposit up to one pound of fecal matter, with any deposits over this amount charged in 50p/ounce increments. "We want to encourange customers to have a light meal before flying, as every bit of weight removed from the plane is less fuel burnt during the flight" says O'Leary. Other chargeable services being assessed at the moment includes basing the ticket price on the average size and weight of an adult male or female, with a commensurate surcharge for larger or heavier passengers, but O'Leary denies they have chosen Japan as the baseline for this option. Other services not confirmed at the time of going to press were "Flyinair", your own personal ration of oxygen for the flight with surcharge for overuse of £200 (300 Euro) for each subsequent litre of air and RyanChair, described as "your own chair, you can always stand in the aisle". UPDATE: check the date we wrote this. I think he's been stealing our ideas.  |
