Dear Frieda,

I'm worried that my Carbon Footprint is causing flooding, droughts, hurricanes and the disappearance of the polar ice caps, but my job depends on the use of quite a lot of natural resources. What can I do to allay my fears?

George, Texas

Dear George,

First things first. Has anyone actually measured your carbon footprint? There's a lot of hype around this subject, and over 23 definitions of what a carbon footprint actually is, so there's no need to worry. On the other hand, your fears appear to be coming from a deep unconscious desire to gain the approval of a parental figure - maybe your father? I also detect a note of performance anxiety here, and get the feeling that you are in over your head, out of your depth or just plain inadequate. Try to get out more.

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Dear Frieda,

I've recently been made redundant from a responsible job in the City, which paid out a substantial severance package. My wife also has an excellent job, so there are no money worries. We live in a very exclusive part of London with our children, and on the surface, you'd think we were set for life, however I somehow feel that there's something missing from my life since I left the job. How can I get my 'Mojo' back?

Tony, London

Dear Tony,

First things first, there's often a grieving process to go through when redundancy strikes. You'll miss all your colleagues, the routine and of course the status you once had. On the other hand, all this talk of Mojo makes me think you were perhaps a little too cavalier with people's feelings and tended to make hasty decisions without consultation. When things got tough, you would seek approval from all the wrong people, often siding with incompetents to give you a feeling of superiority and the confidence to carry on. Tony, you need to face facts - you just couldn't fool all of the people all of the time. Try to get out more.

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Dear Frieda,

I'm absolutely livid over the number of the pollutants big corporations are allowed to release into the atmosphere. These chemicals are causing our children to experience increased levels of obesity, dyslexia, dyspraxia and ME. Does anyone want to join me in a protest march?

Cynthia, Norwich

Dear Cynthia,

First things first, marching will only get you filmed, blacklisted and clubbed. On the other hand, I detect that you are trying to cope with a fat, stupid, clumsy, lazy lump of a son who won't do a hand's turn around the house. Try to focus less on pollutants and more on your parenting skills. Try to get out more.

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Frieda,

Despite being born blind, I've managed to get well over 23 jobs - some of them quite senior, however nothing seems to 'click' with me. I either get made redundant or have to leave. In desperation, I went to a careers counselling service, who charged me over £500 to do all sorts of tests and assessments. The results came in this morning and it turns out, I've been diagnosed with something called Congenital Talentlesness Syndrome or CTS. I'm really depressed and don't feel like carrying on.

David and Rex, London

David and Rex,

First things first, I sense you can feel my words here - there's always a reason to carry on. On the other hand, CTS can be dangerous, but look on it as an opportunity. You should take a serious look at marketing, if you're an extrovert, and HR, if you're an introvert. There are loads of CTS sufferers in these areas. You might also look into emigrating to the USA, where there are a number of organisations dedicated to the care and treatment of CTS, like Wal Mart, Wendy's, Taco Bell, General Motors and the Military. Rex, try to get David out more

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Dear Frieda,

What's the maximum allowable number of files on the root of an NTFS partition?

Simon, Gloucester

Dear Simon,

First things first. You're probably thinking of the old FAT file system, which has a limit of 512 files on the root directory. You'll rarely see that nowadays, as FAT32 and NTFS removed that limitation, so there's no need to worry. On the other hand, I can see that you are worried about the limits of your own 'root' and the 'partition' issues that are causing your social isolation. Remember that there's no shame in joining a yoga class and front-bottom-burps are a natural part of the female physiology. Try to get out more.