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Written by Vick Synex
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Monday, 24 August 2009 |
 The political establishment was rocked to the core today after an SNP plan to declare war on the US was leaked.
Justice Minister Kenny MacAaskill's decision to release Lockerbie bomber Abdulbessat Ali Al Megrahi on compassionate grounds was part of an overall strategy to revolutionise the Scottish economy and infrastructure. A source told us "The idea was we would pick a fight with the United States and endeavor to escalate it into a full blown conflict. The US are so notoriously trigger happy and disposed to regime change that we felt it wouldn't take much poking to end up with bomber raids flattening key parts of the country. As a cover we also leaked that the low mortality rates in Govan and such places were due to side effects of huge stockpiles of weapons of mass destruction in the locations. We get a two for one deal here - run down areas get wiped out and so does much of the countries' welfare budget."
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Health Minister Loves the NHS |
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Written by Vick Synex
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Wednesday, 19 August 2009 |
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 A tired and emotional Andy Burnham today slumped in an NHS waiting room with his arms around a supporting pillar and announced to the assembled throng that "See the NHS? That's my best mate. Best in the fucking world and I'll fight anyone here who says otherwise. Anyone seen that cunt Hannan, I'll fucking have him."
During the rest of his discourse the Health Minister derided the French health system as "Full of garlic-eating stripy shirt-wearing frogs", the Singapore system as "Up it?s own arse. They fine you $500 if you contract the wrong disease" and derided claims of better clinical outcomes in these and other health systems around the world as "fucking lies spread by Cameron and his posh Eton mates".
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Britain's Growth Industries |
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Written by Vick Synex
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Friday, 14 August 2009 |
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 Lord Mandelson has greeted the news of the end of the recession in France and Germany with some positive words of his own. "Gordon Brown has quite rightly said that the United Kingdom is best placed amongst the world economies to weather this global recession. And this positive development proves what he has been saying all along. In the UK we have some of the fastest growing industry sectors of any G20 country."
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IR35! In! Pointless! Legislation! Shocker! |
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Written by Editor
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Friday, 22 May 2009 |
 In a shock development today, a Freedom of Information request by the PCG has actually been answered. Despite questions in the House going back years to find out how much IR35 actually raised, the information has never been forthcoming. Parliamentary answers ranged from “Ooooohhh, loads – you wouldn't be able to comprehend the numbers” to “I had the answer this morning, but my dog ate the bit of paper”. The FOI request reveals that between tax years 2002/03 and 2007/08, IR35 directly raised just £9.2 million. Or an average of around only £1.5 million per tax year. To put this in perspective the big couch in the reception of Portcullis House has more than that lost between its cushions, money lost by resting MPs who have later been forced to reclaim the sums lost, together with specially commissioned high security trousers to prevent future similar events. |
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Government Announce Workplace Bullying Initiative |
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Written by Editor
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Thursday, 15 January 2009 |
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Today in Parliament, Children's Minister Ed Balls announced an initiative designed to improve the delivery of services to vulnerable children.
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