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Written by Vick Synex
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Friday, 26 June 2009 |
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 Mardale have discovered that contrary to popular belief Michael Jackson is not in fact dead, but has moved to Las Vegas to work with his ex-father-in-law, Elvis Presley. The crazed superstar's life was in such turmoil over legal cases and debts that he decided to 'do and Elvis' and fake his own death. Michael has been planning this for some time.
In an unusual twist to the normal route of altering a third party to look like the 'deceased' star, Jackson had been making the job somewhat simpler in recent times by altering his own appearance to lok more like some random stiff. The Los Angeles county coroner said last night that 'yes, a body reported to be Michael Jackson was delivered here from L.A. County Hospital last night, but as he's not been seen for a couple of weeks, how do weknow what he looks like. We're going to confirm it's him from his medical records - the first truck should be arriving any time now'.
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IR35! In! Pointless! Legislation! Shocker! |
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Written by Editor
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Friday, 22 May 2009 |
 In a shock development today, a Freedom of Information request by the PCG has actually been answered. Despite questions in the House going back years to find out how much IR35 actually raised, the information has never been forthcoming. Parliamentary answers ranged from “Ooooohhh, loads – you wouldn't be able to comprehend the numbers” to “I had the answer this morning, but my dog ate the bit of paper”. The FOI request reveals that between tax years 2002/03 and 2007/08, IR35 directly raised just £9.2 million. Or an average of around only £1.5 million per tax year. To put this in perspective the big couch in the reception of Portcullis House has more than that lost between its cushions, money lost by resting MPs who have later been forced to reclaim the sums lost, together with specially commissioned high security trousers to prevent future similar events. |
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GPs Call for Ban on Sir Liam Donaldson |
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Written by Editor
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Tuesday, 17 March 2009 |
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Leading GPs across the country have called for a ban on Sir Liam Donaldson, the Government's chief medical officer. Concerned practitioners have made the drastic call after a surge in patients suffering heart attacks, strokes, brain embolisms and mental health episodes after coming across media reports of his latest idiotic pronouncements. "I got called to a house this morning" said one source who wished to remain anonymous, "and found my patient sitting in an armchair opposite the TV, with the contents of his head plastered around the room. According to his wife, she was in the kitchen and heard Sir Liam mention the phrase 'passive drinking', when she heard a bang followed by a sound like a gallon of paint hitting the wall. When she ran to the room she found her husband's head had exploded."
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